Monday, April 14, 2014
  1. The first weed vending machines have been installed in Colorado. These should be considered a gateway vending machine to other vending machines.

  2. Thursday, April 10, 2014
  3. A nursing home on Long Island is in trouble after hiring strippers for the elderly patients. Both the strippers and patients went home with wrinkled ones.

  4. Thursday, April 3, 2014
  5. A Cubs outfielder wore the wrong uniform during the first inning of Thursday’s game…just like he does every time he puts on a Cubs jersey.

  6. Wednesday, April 2, 2014
  7. Vladimir Putin officially divorced his wife of 30 years. No word yet on who gets custody of Crimea.

  8. Monday, March 31, 2014
  9. A court ruled that Carnegie Deli must shell out $2.65M to 25 workers to settle a lawsuit. At $106K each, the employees have the option of being paid in cash or 9 pastrami sandwiches.

  10. Sunday, March 30, 2014
  11. Mayor de Blasio will throw out the first pitch for the Mets on Opening Day, which is the perfect fit for a starting rotation filled with guys who are overpaid to underperform.

  12. Saturday, March 29, 2014
  13. Ray Rice married his fiancé on Friday, one day after he was indicted for aggravated assault by a grand jury for striking her unconscious.
    The couple plans to spend their honeymoon on the beautiful island of Rikers.

    Ray Rice got married on Friday, in an effort to make the transition to prison life more tolerable.

    It’s been announced that on Friday, Ray Rice married his plaintiff.

    The bride wore a beautiful Vera Wang dress which she ordered online, while Rice wore a beautiful orange jumpsuit which was ordered by the court.

    Although neither of them are Jewish, Rice did step on a glass and then threaten her with it.

    Ray Rice got married on Friday, one day after he was indicted for aggravated assault. Looks like he wanted a head start on losing all his rights as an individual.

  14. Monday, March 24, 2014
  15. Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are expecting a baby. That baby is going to have his mother’s eyes, his father’s hair and Demi Moore’s wrinkles.

  16. David Guetta (ft. his wife) is getting a divorce.

  17. Tuesday, March 18, 2014
  18. The Arizona Diamondbacks have unveiled an 18-inch corn dog that costs $25. Of course Arizona has the right to refuse service depending on how you eat it.